Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~M.Y.
Making the absolute best of ourselves is not an easy task. It is a pleasurable pursuit. It is the reason we were born, but it requires patience, persistence, and perseverance. Every week I learn something new about myself... I am evolving. This world I live in is constantly moving and the ultimate pursuit is towards happiness. This internal exploration has revealed the good, the bad, the wondrous, the dreadful... you name it. Some days it's pretty and others, well, it's pretty damn real. I want so much out of life... happiness, passion, money, stimulation, success... the list goes on and on. I am the type of person that constantly questions... I question myself and most often I question other's actions. I question whether I am meeting goals, doing the right thing, am I good enough, it's an exhausting list.
As I continue on my journey my conception and search for wholeness has been expanding and transforming. I no longer sees wholeness as perfection, or never feeling bad, or being at perfect peace. Wholeness is an integration of all the different elements of who I am. It's neither good or bad, it's simply ME. It's the eternal optimistic, the O.C.D. cleaning, the creative, the anxious, the sometimes self-destructive ME. I'm starting to acknowledge that lately my search for wholeness changed along with my understanding for it. Each day I become more at ease with the amazing and dreadful uncertainties in life. I choose to sit with these mysteries rather than constantly seeking answers that may be impossible to find. The source of wholeness is within me (and beyond me, in God.) I have to realize that I'm not perfect (not that I've ever thought I was) and wanting everyone to think I am, is not healthy. You may love me, you might think I'm weird, honestly, you might not even like me. And that's okay. This is me, this is who I am. Today, I am choosing progress, not perfection in my pursuit to happiness.
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