Nothing's Real But Love

You've probably noticed that I'm full of great ideas some days. It's important to note that I mentioned SOME days. Last month I had the fantastic idea that we should set up our tripod at Lake MacBride and take some pictures for our Christmas card. So I chose a super foggy day after most of the leaves had fallen of the trees. Perfect, right?! Oh no, it gets better... See Bill was about a week overdue for a haircut and had decided to start his 'No-Shave November' about a month early. I had been at work since 6:30 in the morning... I was exhausted and my hair was unruly. The perfect storm to make for a great Christmas card!

Nothing's Real But Love ~ Rebecca Ferguson

 

This was our first picture. We take a peek at it and Bill says "I look like shit." I replied "No, you look like Grizzly fuckin' Adams." That's love, people.

 

I had the awesome idea that we should look like we are having fun and throwing the colorful leaves. We couldn't control Dutch for the first couple pictures so we finally made him sit. Looking at his face in this picture it seems so cruel now. And seriously, Bill, don't have too much fun.

 

The throwing leaves idea is scrapped and we go for the posed look. We take a peek at this picture and I tell Bill "On the next picture put your arm around me like a man." Again, that's love.

 

We gave the leaf throwing one last college try. Dutch is ready to throw down with the leaves.

 

This is the best we could do so this ended up on the front of our Christmas card. I had a ton of great pictures throughout the year but, dangit, I didn't want that afternoon to go to waste. We actually got a great laugh about it on our drive home. They may not be the best pictures but we aren't perfect. Our pictures might be goofy, our house might be messy, our dog might attack leaves (or look the other way when we are taking a picture)... but this is our love.

 

Blessings

This Thanksgiving I am so incredibly thankful for the many blessings I have received. I have learned to embrace more positivity. Exhaled and tossed out the negativity that was bound to me. Freed my mind of the clutter. Moved on from the past. Pledged my life. Lived in the moment. Kept my face towards the change and momentum that is beckoning me forward. Explored my faith in every little corner. Focused my eyes on the prize. I've put my hands up and felt a deeper connection. I am so thankful for this journey. It is a long, winding road with the occasional hurtle but the scenery is beautiful.

Good Music: The Used

Sweet band, pretty funny video, and awesome song for running/working out. It's divine when this song comes on during a run on the trail. It seriously pumps me up. I'm thinking that if we ever went to see The Used in concert it might work out in my favor to dress as a cigarette. On second thought, that might be the worst idea I've ever had.

My Great Escape

Her eye, her ear, were tuning forks, burning glasses, which caught the minutest refraction or echo of a thought or feeling... She heard a deeper vibration, a kind of composite echo, of all that the writer said, and did not say. ~Willa Cather

 

Have you noticed a slight change to my blog? I've added a little Shelfari widget. Now you can really take a glimpse into my crazy, twisted reading life! As most of you know I have a slight obsession with books. If you've clicked on my Shelfari information you'll notice that I write that "I purchased my husband a sleep mask so I can stay up late and read." That's no lie. I was surprised when I look at my 2012 statistics and I'm officially on my 27th book. That makes for quite a few late nights and un-productive weekends. It also makes for a wise and intelligent Ashley.

 

I'm loving the Shelfari site because I can keep track of what I've read and what I'd like to read in the future. I can also get recommendations from other readers about what I should read next (or shouldn't read for that matter). That's not to say I haven't had some bad recommendations... The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time or The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake were duds. How those particular books became best-sellers is a world-class mystery to me. I try not to focus on the fact that I'll never get the time back that I wasted reading those books but I suppose there are worse things to do with my time. Shelfari is also where I discovered The Scott Westerfeld series of Uglies and Pretties (yeah, so what if it's a young adult series), Wally Lamb, and Jeanette Walls. Just those alone far make up for the weird shit that people think is intellectual and quirky... to me, those in particular lack substance and are a little too out there for my taste.

 

An interesting story for you.... I've always been a intense reader. In fact, when I was 2 years old I had 'Brown Bear, Brown Bear' memorized. My Mom still likes to tell the story about how a librarian thought I was a total genius. (Smart lady!)When I moved out of the house at 19, I was pretty broke. So broke that one day I had $11 to my name and needed to get some essentials and I ended up going to the Dollar Store so I could make the most of my cash. While I was there I happened upon a book called The Big Picture, a hardcover, that was only $1. Steal of a deal. Seriously, the best $1 I've ever spent. I've loaned it out to a couple different people who have said the same thing. Occasionally when I pass by my book shelf I catch myself taking an extra look at one of my favorite books of all time and remembering the struggle in my life at that time. I remember finishing it and picking it right back up and starting it over. It's. That. Good. I'm thankful that I decided to splurge on myself and get myself a little escape from life. Buy it from Amazon, pick it up at your library, and just thank me later. It will blow your mind.

 

Books have and probably always will be my great escape. Reading allows me to de-stress. I love reading before bed and getting caught up in an incredible story. I love talking to friends, family, co-workers about great books and being able to recommend random books that I've read. I love being able to say that I've always read the book before I've seen the movie. Now it's getting late... I suppose it's time to wordlessly pass Bill the mask and get my read on.

 

Threads of Love

My Mother never ceases to amaze me. She surprised me last week with a beautiful hand-made rug. She spent weeks (yes, weeks!!) weaving this rug for our house. And after all of that work she wanted me to legitimately use this rug... as in, wipe our feet and put our shoes on it. Has she gone completely mad? I put it in our guest bedroom and have refused to step on it. This is something I will treasure! Her point is a valid one, she wants me to use it but I still can't imagine putting this at a door.  Even though I'm a grown woman, married, and independent my Mom still has a way of continuing to mother me. She never expects anything in return, she is selfless and nurturing (and crafty!). I have absolutely no idea what I would ever do without her.

 

My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual, and physical education I received from her. ~George Washington

 

Happy Birthday, Zane David!

It's official! I'm an Aunt again to a beautiful baby boy, Zane David. He was born at 5:24 pm on Friday, November 2. It's been a pretty wild ride and we are so happy and grateful that he is healthy and happy.

Dear Zane,
You are finally here! When I first saw you, you were so tiny that I didn't even offer to hold you. You were too perfect to disturb out of your fitful sleep. Your Uncle Bill and I just touched your perfect, little hand and looked at you. I can only imagine the man you will grow up to become. The possibilities are endless when I think of the men in your family. I know that you are so loved and cherished. I can't wait to become a part of your life and for you to become a part of mine. You are such a little blessing.
Love, Aunt Ashley

 

Uh-oh! Looks like it's time to go home!

 

 

When you Lose....

....Don't lose the lesson. I drive by our local church every day and there's always a cute catchy phrase on their sign. This particular phrase struck a chord in me. Lately, my professional life has been full steam ahead and I'm constantly on the go. I've had a great amount of success, movement, and growth. That is... until today. I had put a deal together that was practically a done deal. Just waiting on the signature and the pat on the back from my peers. However, everything is not always as it seems and I lost it. Through no fault of my own and not an ounce of malicious intent on anyone else's behalf it went to someone who had slightly more history with my customer. I have no other inflection to add other than the adage "you win some, you lose some." As I ponder and have myself a pity party (complete with Hank Williams Jr. and retail therapy) I'm still asking myself the question: "Do I love to win or hate to lose?" and I still can't give a definitive answer. It's a threatening idea to think that I can't win everything....because deep down inside there's the 5-year old me that's having a little temper tantrum complete with holding my breath and stomping when things don't go my way. There's also the present-day me that's doing the running-man and high-fiving when I do win. Winning is the best and losing is certainly at the other end of the spectrum. I fear losing. I fear that having the utterly optimistic hope that "positivity begets more positivity" won't always work for me. Today was a literal punch in the gut, no joke, the air was literally sucked right out of my lungs. Despite this doom and gloom, I'm determined to learn a lesson from this.... But what lesson? My thoughts drift to:

~Don't count on everything

~You can't always get what you want (Sung in my Mick Jagger voice)

~Be realistic
~Quit being a spoiled brat

I had a moment this evening that made me shift my internal thinking and helped me in learning the lesson. Trust your life. Trust that the chaos and drama and frustration is just a tiny blip on your radar. The petty things that I'm wound up about aren't worth the breath it steals. Let go of the struggle, be optimistic, and dust yourself off when the going gets rough. Accept circumstances that are out of your control. This acceptance will allow you to take more steps in the right direction. Could it be that God was telling me something in that little sign at the church? If so, I'm hoping to drive by later this week and see "The world is yours." Thanks in advance, God.

Music: Massive Attack

Driving, yoga, spa, wherever... I really, really like this song!